Tapped Out
Wish-Fulfillment Fantasies, Part 2
JAKE TAPPER: I would like to announce that I have written a new book that exposes in lurid detail all of the ways in which Donald Trump is unfit for office
COOPER: How so?
TAPPER: Well, for starters, he is grossly uninformed, he leads entirely by impulse and self-gratification, and has never once admitted he was wrong about anything
BURNETT: This is good stuff
TAPPER: Trump is blinded by delusions of grandeur, is clearly unqualified to make consequential decisions and routinely dozes off during important policy meetings
SMERCONISH: My God
TAPPER: All he knows how to do is brag about himself. Whenever a reporter challenges him in any substantive way, he just snaps at them and calls them stupid
COLLINS: Now it can finally be told
TAPPER: Furthermore, Trump has treated women horribly, been convicted of several dozen felonies and appears in the Epstein Files more frequently than Jesus Christ appears in the Bible
PHILLIP: This is going to blow the world of news wide open!
TAPPER: For the good of the Republic, I must publish my findings at once
BLITZER: Godspeed, Sir
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FOX: Tapper’s allegations against President Trump were met with shock, confusion, and outrage among Republican voters
GRAHAM: Well, I never
VANCE: All this time, I believed Donald Trump was a competent leader who had Americans’ best interest at heart
HANNITY: For the life of me, I don’t know what I was thinking
JENNINGS: Are you telling me that Trump was just some kind of self-obsessed madman?
JOHNSON: At last, the scales have fallen from my eyes
WATTERS: And to think I once believed Donald Trump was an avatar of masculinity
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NEWSOM: We’re so glad Jake Tapper finally got around to writing a book about Trump
HARRIS: That was just what we needed to get the Party back on track!
SCHUMER: Thanks, Jake Tapper! 😀👍
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