Same Sh!t, Different Day

👩🏽‍💼: Good morning. Today, President Trump patted himself on the back for doing an excellent job at something despite having no true understanding of any foreign or domestic issues

👨‍💼: He also announced a brand-new and previously undisclosed idea that makes no goddamned sense at all

🧕🏼: While the Democrats, the mainstream media, and all sentient life forms of reasonable intelligence recognized the idea as ridiculous, the devoted members of his administration stood firm in their support

🧑🏼‍💼: Fox News also praised this new initiative and wondered aloud why the mainstream media consistently fails to give our president credit for his brilliant ideas

🤵🏽‍♂️: His press secretary ignored the questions posed to her by members of the press corps and responded with irrelevant deflection and pointless personal insults

👨🏻‍🦰: Trump vowed to continue raising tariffs and sending ICE everywhere to arrest illegal immigrants and anyone who looks like one

👱‍♀️: He also made it abundantly clear that he would help Vladimir Putin and Benjamin Netanyahu do whatever they wanted to do

👩🏽‍💼: A poll of voters indicated that Democrats wildly opposed Trump and Republicans supported him. However, that may be subject to change if you consider the factors of gas prices and grocery prices and wishful thinking

👨🏼‍💼: Trump complained that the media, the Democrats, and several state-level justice departments were united in their tireless mission to make him look bad

👴🏾: He then decided to put his name on something that doesn’t belong to him and put some tacky gold shit all over everything

🧑🏻‍💼: In other news, a Christian conservative was exposed as some kind of secret sex pervert

🧔🏼: The GOP quickly responded by spreading unsubstantiated panic of transgender activists targeting children

👩🏻‍🦰: Meanwhile, absolutely no progress was made in bringing the subjects implicated in the Epstein Files to justice

🤵🏾‍♂️: Once again, the GOP concluded that running out the clock was the most dependable way to make a scandal go away forever

👨🏻‍🦰: The Trump Administration demonstrated once again that we do not have serious or qualified people in charge of the country

🧑🏼‍💼: Their actions are based on the whims of one man who is completely detached from reality. He doesn’t understand anything and doesn’t care

👨🏻‍💼: The only things that matter to him are his money, power, popularity, and staying out of prison

👩🏽‍💼: He demands praise for everything good that happens and refuses to accept blame for anything bad that happens

🧕🏼: And this state of affairs will continue indefinitely until Trump is gone

👨‍💼: Tune in tomorrow, where the news headlines will be exactly the same unless [REDACTED]

👩🏽‍🦱: Which we’re not allowed to talk about until after it happens

👨‍💼: I guess we’ll have to save it for the National Day of Mourning And/Or Jubilant Celebration

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